“I knuckle down with my demons, and with my weaknesses.”
~ Carlos Santana ~
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get, but I’m better than I used to be
Lately I have been having episodes of what John Bingham referred to as runners block in his book “The Courage to Start.” When I read that chapter I felt like he was talking about me; you have the days when conditions are lousy and you start thinking of reasons not to go or the times when the weather and conditions are perfect and you can’t bring yourself to put your shoes on or if you get out the door you almost immediately are ready to turn around for home. I have had some halfway decent runs this month and have to some extent been getting in the mileage, but for the most part have been struggling. Especially during the winter it is frustrating to feel like I am wasting a nice morning and not run, nevertheless sometimes it just is not there. During one run this week I forced myself to put my shoes on and head out. For the first mile or so I was in a fog and then I challenged the demons to hang on because I was not stopping until they quieted down. It was still rough but gradually got better. I got in a good run yesterday with a friend whom I have not seen in quite a while. We kept it to an easy pace and enjoyed the morning and some conversation about our families and future running plans. I plan to go for a run today; I am going into it without any expectations other than to enjoy the nice day and get some fresh air.
We all have demons to face and deal with them in our own way. Personally for me it helps to be outside and on the move. Sometime they win and other times I can keep moving long enough that they give in and leave me alone. I used to think I had to outrun them but then realized it was distance not speed that quieted them the best. If you do not run there are other things you can try to help clear out the cranium. Walking or bike riding, or a good workout can help and sometimes, finding a park or somewhere in the woods to simply sit and be. Like anything in life you have to know yourself well enough to know if sitting and absorbing nature will bring you back to the present moment or if it is one of those times where you crank the music up and shut it down for a while during a workout. If work is the cause of stress and frustration as I find it to be, another trick is to keep some CD’s that help relax or motivate you. Listen on the way to and from work to recharge or disconnect, to put a stopgap between work and home.
So I continue on, creating and recreating my self as I go. I have learned that it’s okay to set goals and it is okay to revisit and adjust those goals if you are not ready yet. You must not let good people slip out of your life even if life separates you the way it has a way of doing. The best way to get what you want is to give it; if you want or need support you give it. To have a friend, you must be a friend. Constantly remember to cut your self some slack. A temporary setback does not equal failure and does not mean starting completely over, it is what you do on a particular day. Do not allow it to define you. In the words of Maya Angelou “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better do better.” What else is there to do but to continue to become who we are and in the process make the world a little better as we go? Pay attention to the people you surround yourself with and figure out what it is they were put in your path to teach you. Good or bad there is something in us that brought us together at that specific point and time, this is magnified when children are involved. We impact and are impacted by everything and everyone we come in contact with.
Thank you for joining me and for not judging as we become who we are meant to be.