Struggling to Remain Positive in a Painful World
I have not written a blog post in a while and I am sorry that this is not a happy post. The fact is that no matter how positive you try to be, sometimes life just sucks.
I have worked extremely hard for years to remain positive and to pass that on to others. Why is it that every time in my life that something good happens or that I acknowledge something good that something bad happens? I am all about balance but this is not how it is supposed to work.
I finally let my guard down and decided that it was okay to be more excited than nervous about the pregnancy and I get the news that my Mother has had a heart attack and massive stroke. I thought she was in the hospital getting some tests done and things went really bad, really fast. I don't think anyone saw this coming, if they did they sure didn't let on.
It feels like it has been this way my whole life. every time something good happens, it is immediately countered by an event to keep me from thinking I can really be happy. How else am I supposed to look at it? Good and bad always go together, right?
She will not get to meet her new grandchild or great granddaughter. I have beat myself up for years for moving my children so far away so they could not grow up around more of their family. I have always had their best interest at heart but may not have always made the best decisions in the process.
I feel bad for my Dad who has known nothing but being with my mom all of their lives. He has many good friends around him but his life will never be whole again.