No one talks to me that way, or do they?

"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt."

~ William Shakespeare ~

Why is it so much easier to question myself than it is to be encouraged? I guess maybe for the same reason it is easier to give advise than to follow it. I am finding that almost every time I push myself hard for a race or a long run I am constantly questioning myself. Lately the voices ask; “why have I decided to sign up for this 50K and more importantly why did I tell anyone I was going to do it?” and “It would be so much easier if I kept my big mouth shut to change my plans.” Maybe I just answered my own question, because now that I have put it out there I feel more responsibility to stick with it. I want to accomplish this goal but not put so much pressure on myself that I burn out or be miserable doing it. The last thing I want to do is dread the day I am attempting one of the biggest physical and mental achievements of my life.

One thing I have realized is that I enjoy running much more when I am running because I want to and not because I have to. The time between finishing the 1000 miles for WWP and the last few weeks getting ready for the half were enjoyable and rewarding because I was keeping up with and even increasing my weekly mileage without an obligation to do so. It seems that every time I put myself on a rigid schedule it immediately puts pressure on me and takes the fun out. If I cannot fix this situation it is going to be a LONG winter and spring. I want to work hard and enjoy running so I would like to make this work. I almost wish I had not committed myself to the big goal but that is what I have always done and this year is about breaking out of the safety zone.

I spent time during my twelve mile thinking about some things I am going to have to do to make this work:
1.   Get off the pavement on long runs as much as possible.
2.   Find people to run with some of the time.
3.   Continue to build miles.
4.   Find ways to build mental focus.
5.   Learn the trail systems around the area.
6.   Really focus on flexibility.
7.   Correct muscle imbalances in hip region.
8.   After vacation really buckle down and focus on cutting weight.
9.   Eat healthy and cut out alcohol.
10.  Find ways to keep training fun!


When it comes to dealing with traffic, exhaust fumes and sidewalks (I really dislike sidewalks) I think more trails is the way to go. So for now, I will continue and work on all these things I have listed. Running on the roads and paved trails when I have to and hitting the trails every chance I get. I am staying on track for the April 50K but I will need a lot of support and guidance as the days get shorter and colder!

"Face your fears and doubts, and new worlds will open to you."

~ Robert Kiyosaki ~

The tattoo that took ten years.

“When you create art, the world has to wait.”

~ Will Smith ~

One of the many things that spent years (ten to be honest) on my “someday” to do list was a tattoo. I really wanted one but had no idea what I wanted to get. Just walking in and picking a design out of a book and having the next available person do it was not an option. This was a big, permanent decision and had to be the right choice and represent me. I began this spring asking friends who and where they went and trusted and I got a lot of options and did my homework. After a lot of soul searching and experimenting, I came up with the design I was going to use and had to choose the artist who could take the piece of paper and bring it to life on my arm. This process had taken ten years to get to this point, I was ready but it needed to be perfect. After a conversation with Wes Grimm in Kansas City I knew he was the person I was going to trust to cross this off my list. He has been doing tattoos for thirty years and I told him this is my basic design but you are the artist so I will trust your ideas for size and specific details. He asked me a few questions to make sure he understood the meaning and promptly said, “Okay, when do you want do this?” I was thinking three or four weeks but once he said he was available the following Saturday I decided get rid of the safety net and set up an appointment.

That morning I woke up with a headache and felt lousy thinking I might need to reschedule. I have seen this play out too many times, I was recognizing the pattern of anxiety. What have I been working all this time to control was trying to control me again but this time I am determined to deal with it. My goal from here on out is that if I get beat by someone or something that is one thing, but I was finished being beaten by imaginary things or myself. I got up and went ahead with my morning still feeling poorly but I would deal with it. As the day went on I felt better and before I knew it I was sitting in the waiting area ready to go. When he came out with the final design I thought it was too big but I really liked it. I reminded myself of why I chose him and decided to just trust the artist and went to his work station and sat down (trying to act brave). My wife sat there for an hour and fifteen minutes smiling and cringing when she saw my pain. I didn't watch him work too much, I was mostly trying to distract myself especially when he was working around the inside of the bicep and around the edge of the triceps. I am not going to lie, that part hurt! Then when I thought he was finished and he decided to add some shading, that hurt too but it was the right choice.

When I saw him push his chair back and saw the look of pride as he admired his work, I was pleased even before I looked at the finished product. I turned to the mirror to witness what I had waited ten years for. It was exactly what I had hoped for. A perfect trinity knot with a ribbon above with the Gaelic word for Love, and a ribbon below again in Gaelic were the words Loyalty and Friendship. The trinity knot means different things to different people but the two meanings closest to me are Mind, Body and Spirit and the other is Life, Death, and Rebirth. The fact is that this perfectly represents the journey I have been on and that everything is interconnected. I still have to look at it every now and again to see that I really did get it.      

This day was also somewhat of a turning point for my anxiety induced headaches. I still get headaches but I am not letting anxiety get the best of me like I did for many years.

A Saturday and some LSD! Don’t call the police that stands for Long, Slow, Distance!

This is a breakdown of a long training run.from alarm to protein smoothie:    

It is Saturday morning my alarm goes off at 0500 playing the Hills of Ireland and I hit the snooze once or twice, it’s time to get up and get in an eleven mile training run. I played around with a couple of routes and I decided to go with a looping route never getting too far from home. I had a different one planned but the KC Marathon is going on and I would be around the crowded streets and on part of the race course. My thoughts are purely psychological, never being too far from the house and on roads I regularly run on. It is in the mid 30’s so I brake out my windbreaker for the first time this year and am taking gloves. I am also experimenting with a new hydration belt which I put my phone and a couple of gels in, it has a single water bottle in the back; I normally use a small handheld water bottle. I have eaten my oatmeal with a cup of coffee and stalled long enough it is time to go. No music and no one to run with, just me and my thoughts.
 
Ready or not I am getting started at a little after 7:00. The first half mile is always a little rough with my body warming up and working through all the kinks but so far so good. The first three miles go by alright and I am not on a schedule so I settle in for the long haul. Since I have my GPS watch and I know these streets it allows me to call an audible, I am going to run through a park I like and go a couple of streets further and shift the loop (and the park has a porta potty) and since I am experimenting for my half marathon I use a gel about 4 miles in. It also brings me to a section of my route with rolling hills and with the change adds another hill. So far my mood is well and pleased with my pace coming to the halfway point. Sometimes it is good to run by yourself and sometimes it is hard, today it is a little hard.

Continuing on I come to a very long gradual hill which brings me dangerously close to home; I briefly think “I could go down this street and make this a good eight mile run…but I didn’t set out for eight.” At eight miles I take a quick gel and a drink of water to make sure there will be no stomach issues if I find I need to use them during the race. Good so far but now the water bottle is lighter and after I pull my gloves from my belt it loosens up so the bottle falls out in the middle of an intersection and I chase after it and tighten the belt. I begin feeling a twinge in my left Achilles tendon and on the top of my left foot. Nothing too painful but I do a quick assessment and decide it is nothing major but I will pay attention to it. With a little over a mile left, I am past the hills so; “this is what I am doing right now, just keep moving my feet and I am there.” Turning down a street that is usually quiet but today there is an estate sale going on and there are cars and people everywhere. The good thing is I am almost home and this is down hill, gravity do your thing! I finished with 11.11 miles and although I am sore and tired I don’t feel too bad but I will be icing my left foot tonight for sure. Not a lot of negative thoughts to deal with and I have run my longest distance in a while. I am so ready to get off the pavement and run more trails but for now this is what I have available to me. Next week will be at least twelve miles and another week closer to race day. Now it is time for a refreshing smoothie!

Preparation, planning and perspective.

"The meeting of preparation with opportunity generates the offspring we call luck."

~Tony Robbins~ 

To all the people I know who are competing in races this weekend I wish you good luck and most of all a memorable experience. Take time periodically to enjoy your surroundings and take everything in. You have done the work and put in the miles over the past few months and now the time has come. I would really like to hear from you about your feelings and thoughts that you have before, during and after your events. I will not be racing this weekend but instead getting in another long training run, but I will be thinking of you all while I do it. So, with three weeks to prepare before my half marathon, here is what I am planning.
Besides my scheduled weekday mid distance runs; I plan on eleven miles this weekend, twelve next weekend, and backing off a little the weekend before the race. Since I was not pleased with the first half marathon, I definitely hope this one is a better experience. I do not really have any specific pace I plan to stick to on race day. What I hope to do is find a comfortable pace and maintain it through the course and finish strong (I might even leave my Garmin at home). Not necessarily holding back but trying very hard not to come out too strong in the beginning. I will be out there by myself since my wife has to work and I do not know of anyone else who is running this race. I guess technically I won’t be alone but I will be my own support team, I guess that is good sometimes to go it alone and not have anyone to lean on.
Since I journal my runs I can’t help but notice that something strange has been happening lately. I am getting faster, or maybe I should say less slow. I am sure having two trail races back to back weekends did not hurt to make me stronger. I am glad that I keep track of my distances and pace as well as other aspects of my runs because if I didn't I would think that maybe I was just getting tired and needed to back off. Now I know why I am getting tired, it takes more energy to run a faster pace and to maintain it through the run. I have not been shying away from hills and if I don’t run on a scheduled morning I make sure to get it done in the evening. This allows me more flexibility and variety, and speaking of variety, I need to find some new routes and places to run. Especially with longer and longer runs on the horizon.
The day after the half I will either participate in a Trail Nerds event called the Veteran’s Day 4 miler with my wife or if I am not up to running it I will go and cheer her on. Then I am taking a week off which I wrote “vacation/rest week - do what I want” on my calendar, then the real training begins for the 50K. It will be time to buckle down and ask more of myself than I have ever thought possible. Last weekend after we finished the 7.5 mile trail race my wife and I were talking and she made a comment that really put it all in perspective.  I told her about questioning myself about the 50K and she said “You just have to do what we did today three more times.” Wow, that really made me think about a lot of aspects of this endeavor but I have to admit, this time not all negative. I will definitely continue to pursue trail running. It is one of the best workouts I have ever done and uses muscles that do not get used all the time.  

I finished 3 minutes behind her!

A Father's Loss - October 15th is Infant & Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day

This post will not be for everyone, it is not about running or fitness or weight loss. It is about life and one of the many things that not only derail you, but break your heart and I am including it for that reason. Sometimes no matter how hard we try and persist, life blindsides us with a roundhouse kick and we are left to pick up the pieces. I am blessed with two amazing, healthy and wonderful daughters that I am thankful for. I also have a brother and two sons that I never got to meet and since October 15^th is Infant & pregnancy loss awareness day I have decided to share this story with you. This is written from the heart and I hope that’s okay, and feel free to light a candle tonight at 7:00 pm and remember someone you love.

A Father’s Loss

In 1964 my brother Scott died from hyaline membrane disease at two days old. I always wondered what it would have been like and how things would have been different if he was still around. This really came to the forefront in July of 2011 when my wife and I had our first miscarriage. It hit me hard and I could not stop thinking of Scott and what my parents went through all those years before. I am guessing my Dad probably hurt but tried to go on as usual, you know guys are supposed to be tough and my Mom probably just had to deal with it. It is not something you were supposed to talk about back then. Well I am here to tell you that I do not care how tough you are; nothing will knock you to the ground harder. To stand there and watch my wife’s world crash down around her completely broke my heart. I have never felt so helpless and useless in all of my life. There was nothing to protect her from, no enemy to fight, nothing to fix. All I could do was support and hold her and not fall apart, yet. That came later.

Then we spent the next year trying to pick up the pieces and act like you are not scared to death to try again. You take extra precautions and do extra sonograms and everything looks to be progressing “normally”. You start to let your guard down thinking that just maybe this is going to work out this time. Only to be in the doctors office one year and two days after and you see the all too familiar nervousness of the nurse. Even though you know nothing about sonograms, you know it has happened again. This time the shock turns to pure anger and disbelief. How in the world could this happen again to us? What have we done that we are being punished for?

I swear if one more person said “everything happens for a reason”, I was going to snap. I know they mean well and I understand the saying, but this is not the situation for that. If you don’t know what to say, then stop and think first. That does not mean to ignore that it happened and sometimes there is nothing you can say to help so just be there. It is physically, emotionally, and mentally devastating for a woman to lose a baby, but it is also emotionally, and mentally devastating to the father. Keep that in mind when you ask “how is she doing?” Again I understand you are asking because you care, but there were times I was hanging on by a thread and could have used that same question. Not looking for pity, just understanding that I suffered a loss too.

  

After going through this twice and meeting way too many people who have suffered similarly I have some thoughts. A lot of couples do not make it through this situation. Let’s face it you are never the same after as you were before, but take the time to figure out what it takes to make it. First thing, and maybe the hardest thing to admit is that you can not “fix it” for her. Second, sometimes not talking, and just holding is what she needs. Sometimes she will not want you to touch her at all; she will close up emotionally and physically. The only thing you can do is wait and be as patient as you have to be, there is no other way. It will hurt, be lonely and very frustrating, but pressure will only push her away further. If you want to get through this and still be together you will have to put away your usual guy reactions and work harder than you ever have at anything before. The grieving process is just that, a process and if you try to work around it or bluff your way through it will tear you down. Do not feel like you are alone or weak because you have feelings and emotions. Find someone you can talk to and know that it is not a weakness to need this release. You are not alone.

Thank you for reading this and sharing in my grieving/healing story. 

The Running Emotions - What's a mile between friends?

“Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you”

~ Roger Ebert ~

Earlier I touched on the fact that once you change your behavior the things around you begin to change to fit your new situation. I realize now that running and more specifically distance running was in perfect alignment with my new path. I have met and read about some of the most compassionate people since getting involved in running. Like any other activity there are some who are only in it for the glory, the metals or sponsorship, but they are the minority. I have found that most people who run regularly are compassionate and caring people. There are many reasons that people get involved in running. Somehow we seem to understand that whether we show it or not, everyone is fighting a personal battle we may know nothing about. We understand the thoughts and feelings we try to think about and the ones we are trying to get away from. All of this while riding a rollercoaster of emotions that can accompany us on a long run.  The funny thing about it seems to be the longer and harder distances people run, the friendlier and more compassionate they are. I hear stories all the time about ultra runners stopping during a race to encourage another runner or loaning them supplies so they can finish. The fact is that finishers at some 100 milers receive a belt buckle and not even a metal, and they are happy about it. The other thing about trail running and ultras are that they them runs even though they are technically still races. It is a very different mentality than road racing.

Once you get to a certain point, the layers of perception that time has labeled you with fall away and you are just you. Some of the best, clearest and most honest moments I have experienced were during or right after a long run. You begin to feel more alive, colors explode and you notice sounds and smells that you might have missed otherwise. When you are running with a good friend and these events occur it leads to special moments when you are open to conversation and ideas that sometimes are spoken and other times simply understood. You know when to speak and when to listen and when to be quiet and simply be. I am not sure exactly what causes this, whether it is more of a chemical release or a cognitive process or both, but running will illicit many emotions. I like to compare the process to weight training; you have to tear down to build up. You must break through the barriers (or the parts that suck) and let it tear you down to get to the rebuilding stage.    

A shining example to the character of ultra running is Scott Jurek. He is one of the top ultra runners in the world and one of the most humble, normal seeming athletes in the world. He has won or placed in a number of top 100 milers and at the end of every race he completes he stays at the finish line until the last runner comes across to support and represent the sport he loves. Keep in mind in the 2013 Leadville 100 he finished in around twenty hours and the race cutoff is thirty hours. If that is not a compassionate and caring person I don’t know what is. He does not jump in front of every camera or pimp himself out to every sponsor like a lot of athletes would do.

On a smaller level people in running groups or friends that you run with often adjust their pace or schedule to include everyone. I personally enjoy being outside and interacting with other runners or walkers or people out in their yards and even the guy in the barbershop who may be thinking ‘who is this guy and why does he wave at me?’ It is nice to feel like a part of the universe and to know that I am not alone even though I may be by myself. Another great thing about running is that even if you are running with a group, you can still at some point in the run retreat inside yourself. Trust me this is not the same as being alone in a crowd; it is people giving you space to be alone while being surrounded by people. I made a comment one time and then realized it summed up how we felt about each other when I was planning my final run for the WWP 1000 miles and some friends were going to join me. I had an eight mile route planned and one of them was doing marathon training and needed nine miles that day so I shortened my run before that and made the last one nine miles and said “what’s a mile between friends.” It was not meant to be profound but it summed it up nicely. That is a good feeling. On your next run try to let go of the image of what everyone sees and let you shine through. Let down your guard and let your mind go and allow yourself to be introduced to the real you.

But, don’t forget to look both ways. And, enjoy your run!
I would love to here your stories and observations on this subject.

Sand Rat trail run summary 10/6/13

The alarm went off at 4:30 am. I had my clothes and everything I would need to take with me laid out the night before. I got dressed and for breakfast had a banana, some oatmeal and a cup of coffee and just before leaving I drank my chia fresca. After triple checking what I was taking with me we left between 6:30 and 6:45. As it was going to be cooler than it has been lately and the race was in Lawrence I wore shorts but wore a long sleeve running shirt with my wind breaker and brought a short sleeve just in case and my new Brooks Cascadia trail shoes. We arrived at John Taylor Park next to the Ballad Center and at 7:30 and checked in pinned on my number and stared my warm up using my new pre-race play list. At 8:30 after a quick talk from the race director we were off.

My plan was to find a comfortable pace and maintain it with my goals to beat last year’s time and not be last in my age group. I went with the main group and before I knew it I was ahead of my planned pace with one of my fastest miles being 9:21. For some of you that might not seem like much but for me, that is good. I decided since I went out strong I might as well test myself and see how it unfolded. Around two miles in I got passed by four people and not long after they turned right at a fork in the trail and a guy came down the other side and told me to go left saying the trail was marked wrong. I was skeptical but I went (it turns out someone came through and took down some of the markers) as the trail came back together I fell in behind the first person that passed me and the other three came up behind me. When we got to a clear spot I moved to the right and waved them by since they were in front of me before the mix up. Meanwhile I tried to keep them in sight knowing I was going to pay for keeping this pace later. And about five miles in I was feeling it, and the thoughts started to creep in; “if I am struggling here what business do I have thinking about a 50K?”, “surely I am not last but I can’t hear anyone behind me”.  I had a Clif Shot with me and I decided it was time so I used it and drank some of my water and dig in.

Well, I was not near last and about six and a half miles I heard footsteps and I got passed by a guy about my age and then a woman a little later. I was determined to push on, but my hip flexor was hurting and my legs were not happy with me, so I was monitoring my pace. Although the negative voices persist I continue to tell myself, this is what I am doing right now. I never saw another runner until I was exiting the trailhead with between two thirds and three quarters of a mile left to go, it was the guy who passed me a couple miles back. I had been giving everything I had and saw my wife Kristen on the street just before the finish line, I said “I’m dying here” she replied “you’re not dead yet, keep going”. It turns out that the guy who finished fifty seconds before me finished third in our age group. I was pleased with my race and convinced that the effort I put forward was what I had to offer today, but I missed out on a coveted rat trophy by fifty seconds! The temperature was perfect, the trail was in good shape and the scenery was beautiful and my wonderful coach was there to support me and take me to breakfast after.

   

Distance 9.4    Time: 1:40:25      Pace: 10:41

Discovering my "Cool Impossible", and what I am made of?

“Planning is where time and goal intersect. If you have a period of time in which to achieve a goal, you can plan accordingly and succeed.”

~Hal Higdon~

With the revelation that I am capable of more than I ever thought before the question posed to me and by me is, what’s next? I decide for a while I want to see if I can still get my runs in without a schedule. Besides, every mile I have run this past year has been on a set schedule and I am tired of schedules right now. I want to just run because I want to run and not because I have to, so let’s take some time to regroup and see what happens. I am pleasantly surprised that I do want to run and I am going out in the morning without having to do it for a specific reason. I read Eric Orton’s book 'Cool Impossible' (he coached Christopher McDougal during “Born to Run”) and more ideas and inspiration along with refocusing on form. The objective of the Cool Impossible is to pick something completely crazy that basically scares the crap out of you and go after it.

People keep telling me I should sign up for a marathon, so I think about running so many miles on the street. First thought is a lot of people do marathons and then they stop training and have to start all over again. I have seen people sign up and deep down not have the true desire to put the training in, after they complete the marathon they are completely burned out. I need to find something I can completely focus on and get lost in, so what inspires me? What scares me is an easier question because I over think everything. But what does both of these and could be amazing to accomplish is a better question. The one thing that has intrigued me for a while is completing a 50K on a trail. There we have it, my Cool Impossible in a nut shell. Now to do some research and find one that would be challenging but virgin friendly. After an extensive search I came up with the Trail Mix race Minnesota in April of 2013 which seemed to fit the bill. It was in the spring, close enough to drive to and the course is four 12.5K loops and is a combination of trails and a cross country style. Every seven and three quarter miles you come by the start/finish area with access to supplies, bathrooms, and supporters. I like this idea and the course and scenery look very appealing to me. My wife/coach Kristen and I talk about possibilities and goals of participating in a 50K and I told her at this point my only goals are to finish before the cut off time and before the EMT’s leave. You laugh but I am serious; what messed up my first half marathon was thinking I could stick with a certain pace, but now I want to do it, enjoy the experience, and just finish and survive.

If for one second it sounds like I have this all figured out, and in the back of my mind I am not screaming Holy $#@% am I really thinking about doing a 50K? Then you would be very wrong, I just thought I would throw that out there. We all have those voices and thoughts that try to derail us from something that we know we can do but for some reason internal self talk can be very powerful. It will always be there and need to be dealt with in one way or another. Some people use it like a challenge to motivate them to prove the voice wrong. I choose to acknowledge it as nothing more than a thought which can only control you if you allow it to. Remember that a thought is nothing more than a fear expressing itself, it does not become real unless you believe what it is saying. The message here is that everyone has fears, negative thoughts and little voices along the way so don’t make them real and they will lose there power.

For now I am taking the advice of a friend and ‘putting miles in the bank’ and telling myself ‘this is what I’m doing right now.’ 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~Marianne Williamson~

  

We all struggle between the desire to be successful at something and the dedication to make it happen. There are many reasons why we fail to be successful and why we fail to reach our goals. What it usually boils down to is making the statement “this is what I want and this is what I am willing to do or do without to get it”.  It is as simple as that, until it becomes work. Maybe what you are attempting is much harder than when you were thinking about it and you are not as committed as you thought. Other times we don’t see immediate results and lose focus and get distracted before the new habit is developed. Many people do not have a solid or even good support system around them which can be a simple lack of support or people who may be uncomfortable with the idea of you changing for one reason or another.

Many of us practice self sabotage without even being aware we are doing it or without admitting it. We might even involve others in our self sabotage. Someone who we know well enough and we might be able to predict their response when we say “you know what sounds good?” they might say, pizza, Chinese food, or ice cream (now you know my trick and my weaknesses) and we have allowed them to bring it up so it was not our idea…was it? This is when you need to have a discussion with your spouse or whoever it is and ask for their help; when you do this or when you ask for a second (whatever) not to say no, but to ask if you are sure you want to do this. This allows for a stop gap to make a better choice and for us to be the one to make the decision. Self sabotage is a constant battle and it must be faced. I am getting better at catching this and my mood related behavioral triggers. How familiar does this sound? We might say “screw it, today is a wash anyway, I’ll get back on track tomorrow.” or “It’s just ______, I’ve been working hard lately, besides today was a bad day”. So, whether it is self sabotage or justifying behavior patterns, I know them well because I have used them all.   Normally no one will hurt us like we hurt ourselves. If we do not love and respect ourselves no one else will either.

How many times have you gone after something and when it was within reach you freaked out and back slid? Success and change can be scary, especially if you are unaccustomed to it. The voices are saying “now people will expect more from me”, “what will I do next?”, “How will I keep this up long term?” or “Who am I to think I can do this?” Maybe we like the attention and the build up during the planning or trying stages, but we are not really committed to the cause.  When it comes to constant vigilance and commitment we get scared off.  Remember our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, most of us are afraid of succeeding. I mentioned behavioral triggers a minute ago. These are simply events that create feelings within us that illicit a reaction. A simple formula that I have written on a post it note on my computer is this; E + R = O. What this means is the Event plus your Reaction equals the Outcome. Learn to change or adjust your reaction and you have more control of the outcome.

It is a lot of work to stay in shape, eat healthy and to be disciplined. There has been times when I think it would be so much easier it I did not care. At least I would not have to think about my workout schedule or what I ate or when I ate it, or whether I have a couple of beers or not. I have a long way to go and am far from perfect but I am well aware of the consequences to my actions. I can pretty much look at a pizza and six pack and gain two pounds without eating it.

The last thing you want to do is go off the deep end and make too many uncomfortable and difficult changes all at once. This being said work in alternatives and gradually rebuild your lifestyle. Keep your journals for a while and become aware of your habits and triggers. Become a student of your body and mind. Thoughts are only thoughts and they are not real unless you make them real. I am not telling you that any of this will be easy; I am telling you that you are worth it. Try changing one thing a month for a year. Each month you add a new behavior to the original and continue building from there. Remember that it is uncomfortable when you come out of your comfort zone, so expand it instead of jumping out of it.

What will be the first change you make starting tomorrow?