Thoughts and fears being put to the test

“Stay focused, go after your dreams and keep moving toward your goals.”

~ LL Cool J ~

Thoughts and fears being put to the test

After some rough weeks dealing with winter and life I am pleased to say that I think I am coming out more focused. I have also somewhat respectably maintained my training mileage and aside from being tired I feel like I have a good base to build on. I would love to say that I lace up and breeze through my runs but…I am still a regular guy that runs and will live with and accept that. Although I am looking at a pretty aggressive race schedule, for me, I will not be thinking about PR’s or finish times during the next eight months. What I will be looking at and focusing on is on a deeper level. Can I follow though with the training? What am I made of? Can I finish? Probably the most important question might be; can I get to the starting line?

I was talking to a very close friend the other day and I realized that if I am 100% honest (with myself more than anyone) I have to ask all of these questions and more. That I have no idea whether I can finish a 50K is irrelevant. What scares me more than anything is committing to the training and seeing it through and showing up on race day. If I can do those things, then what happens after the horn sounds is a bonus. The thought of disappointing others and myself and the commitment of this endeavor scare me more than the actual event. That being said; now that it is out there for everyone to see, I  believe I have grown enough as a person to accept the challenge and the help that has been offered and go for it. Being honest one more time I will admit that I will be thrilled beyond belief to cross the finish before the cutoff time, but I will be more proud and satisfied when I am officially crossing the start line. Every race coming up is a Trail Nerd event so I am looking forward to a season of fun, challenging trail runs. These include a 10K in March, 2 half marathons in April and May a 20 miler in July and…50K tentatively in October.

Thank you so much for hanging in with this regular guy’s journey. I am enjoying sharing it and getting feedback from you. A special thanks to Carl for getting me excited about this and offering to pace me and Brittany for being there for me to be honest about my fears and Kristen for not telling me I was nuts when I shared my thoughts.

Check out the Trail Nerds at http://www.psychowyco.com

Sometimes the victory is simply getting up

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
~ Mary Anne Radmacher ~

Sometimes the victory is simply getting up

For those who saw my face book post after my run Tuesday saw that I was really struggling (and whining a bit) about how physically and mentally hard every step was. It may have been whining but it was extremely hard and frustrating. My frustration was I kept telling myself that ‘this should be easier by now’ and ‘I should be better at this by now’ and of course comparing myself to what other people are doing and not measuring up. There I go “shoulding” all over myself again and not dealing with the fact that I have been tired, stressed and it is the second half of winter. I pushed through a very difficult five mile run and that in itself says something; either I am stronger than before or I am a glutton for punishment. I really wanted to quit so many times and I would have felt even worse about the whole thing. I told myself that I would wait until Thursday and see how I felt during that run before I beat myself up too badly.

Wednesday plans changed and storms were moving in so this was affecting my focus for that night and the next morning. The alarm went off at 4:30 Thursday and we were in between storms (no excuse there) but I grumbled about being tired and reset my alarm for 5:30 and climbed back into bed. This didn't last long because I knew I was not going to get to run again until Saturday and guilt was getting the best of me. I got up and started getting dressed and had a cup of coffee and headed out. I instantly felt lousy and frustrated and thought of turning around. I tried to let all the negativity of the past few weeks fall away and be present in the moment. It was a struggle for the first two miles and not that it got easier after that but it got a little quieter in my head.

I told myself that I have to stay positive. The next thing I realized was that my struggle and frustration was not about running; that was simply the vehicle that was getting me to this point in my life. Most days the real victory might be simply putting our feet on the floor and moving forward. Everyday that we decide not to close the blinds and pull the covers over our head, we win. It might be as simple as that. And that means today I win!    

Time to put some more miles in the bank and run off this week

“Build step by step. Push yourself, but not too hard. Learn. Keep it fun.” 

~Matt Fitzgerald~

Time to put some more miles in the bank and run off this week

I luckily have gotten a couple of good runs in this week but, boy do I need one now! This as they say has been a week from… well, you know where. Work has constantly had me stressed and wanting to bang my head against the concrete wall. Enough about that frustrating subject; let’s look at what might be in store on the running front. As I said I got in a nice 5 miles in Tuesday morning with a temperature of 2 degrees and then another 5 with a friend on Wednesday afternoon at about 30 degrees warmer. I am looking forward to pushing the miles again in the weeks to come, so we will see how that goes. Either way I have a decision to make soon. I want to do a trail half each month this spring (March, April and May). I am already signed up for the Kansas Free State half in April but the big decision is on the one in four weeks. The dilemma with that one is that I really want to do the Mrs. Robinsons 10K, which sounds like a lot of fun, but, it is the day before the half. So I will see what happens in the next couple of weeks to see which one I go for. Something big is coming before the end of this summer though I can feel it. As long as I can keep enjoying what I am doing and not stress out about it.

I am getting the opportunity to help my friend Carl train for one of the biggest and most intense runs that a runner can take on. Which is the infamous Badwater 135 mile race which takes place around Death Valley in July; if that is not enough there is a little run up the side of a mountain at the end for anyone crazy enough to add it on. It will be fun and interesting to join in on some of his training runs and learn more about ultras. Next month I will help crew and pace part of the Prairie Spirit 100. I do not know how many miles I will cover yet but it is a great opportunity and I am excited to do it. Maybe the psychological aspect of disguising some of my long training runs as helping a friend with his training will do the trick. Either way it is going to be a fun ride.

While I am out this weekend running in the mildest temperatures we have had in a while I know my friends and family in the north east are getting pounded with snow. You know I love you but better you than me ;) Be safe!

Got to run! See you on the flip side!

Winter is nature's way of saying, 'Up yours.'

Winter is nature's way of saying, 'Up yours.'

~ Robert Byrne ~

A view from a Psycho aid station

Yesterday I had the pleasure to work the main aid station at the PsychoWyco Run Toto Run trail run put on by the Trail Nerds. We arrived at 6 am and began unloading Ben’s newly decorated truck and set up the aid station and chili pots. People began showing up for the 8 am start of the 20 miler and 50K. The course is tough in good conditions but today was anything but that with cold temperatures and close to ten inches of slippery, powdery snow. I personally have only run one loop of this trail four different times and these people were getting ready to attempt two or three loops before the day is over.

At 8:00 the horn sounded, music played and they are off to the challenges that lie ahead of them. Soon after, the 10 mile participants begin to assemble and prepare for their 9 am horn and adventure. Today I worked with Scott, Wendy, Kristy and Austin and we would do whatever we could to help these runners through a very tough day along with many others at four other aid stations. We did our best to keep them nourished with pretzels, M&M’s, PBJ wraps and bowls of steaming chili and hydrated with water and Heed and later in the day Coke, Sprite and Ginger Ale. The fluids were freezing in the cups if they sat too long so we could only fill a dozen at a time. It took an hour and forty minutes for the first runner to complete a loop which is flying compared to me but a slower pace for the front runners; this confirmed that it was going to be a rough long day for many. As the runners came through some grabbed a quick snack and we refilled there water and others would grab drop bags and change shirts and make equipment adjustments. You can see the expressions of some who had high hopes of PR’s and finishing strong who now just want to survive and finish before the cut off times. We were pretty lucky to be set up close to the start/finish with the DJ keeping everyone pumped and moving and seeing some of the people who stood at our aid station and questioned whether they should go again or quit. I heard many refer to the course today as being like running in deep sand and one who later posted that it was like running in mashed potatoes.

With a 50K in the back of my mind as a future challenge I watched the runners carefully as they came through. A loop course is difficult when you are struggling so badly because you come back to where it is easiest to quit when you are possibly at your lowest point and have to make the decision to leave this “safe place” and go out again. I witnessed this battle time and again and gained more respect for these people every time. Some for heading back to the trail and others for understanding that today is not the day and they had to listen to their body and not the ego. They have encouraged me to keep this goal in the back of my mind and confirmed that it is possible but it will take everything I have and a lot of support from others along the way.

With a group this size you see many different types of people but what I saw most on this day was a willingness to support and encourage others and I am glad I was there to see and take part in this event. As the final runners made there way off the course and with the aid station packed back in the truck almost eleven hours later I made my way back to my Jeep and peeled a couple of layers off, changed out of my boots and headed for home. It was a very long, cold day but it was well worth it and I am proud to call myself a Trail Nerd.      

Screwed Shoes and a Frozen 5K

“Well, I screwed it up real good, didn't I?”

Richard M. Nixon

Screwed shoes and a Frozen 5K

Yes Mr. Nixon, but that is not what this story is about. It is however about finally getting to try putting screws in my shoes and running on an icy day. I know people who have done this and do it quite regularly for trail running. The problem is that even though twice I really should have done this, I didn’t. The reason being that the particular trail I was running was intimidating enough and I was apprehensive about adding any distractions to the run. Today however I was going for a run from home and not too far so I dug out my old running shoes from the donation bag and went to work. I used 3/8th inch hex head sheet metal screws and put 10 in the front and 4 in the back of the sole, concentrating on the mid foot area since that is where I usually land. Here is a link to see exactly how it is done http://www.skyrunner.com/screwshoe.htm. I was downloading some music for my ipod and (yes I still have the ipod shuffle that my daughters gave me years ago) and working on this while I waited. Once both were completed it was time for a trial run on the icy streets and sidewalks.  

Slowly I made my way out of the garage and tested my footing on the driveway, felt pretty good so far. Now the GPS had located my position and I headed carefully around the corner and into the park and for a lap and a half around the lake. I am feeling pretty comfortable with the shoes and headed for the neighborhoods with no real plan. I run up the street towards the downtown area and take a right and another right coming back towards the park, still just winging it. As I make turns and up or down some hills I realize that the next time I go on a trail and it is slippery I will be fine with putting screws in my trail shoes and not give it a second thought. Once I get to the park I decide to head back around the lake and enjoy the scenery of this winter day that otherwise would have gone unnoticed from the safety of my warm home. This by the time I returned I had traveled 3.1 miles or 5K which is not a long run at all but it was a good run.

Sometimes I get frustrated with where I think I should be or what I think I should be doing at this point in my life. To be honest with you; on days like today I realize I am doing things that a few years ago I would have thought were impossible or even crazy. I guess I am kind of pleased that I am still progressing and growing at this stage of my life. Only time will tell where I go from here, but for now I will continue to allow the universe to shape and use me for whatever it has planned for me.

Don’t be afraid to get screwed and go for a little winter run!

Peace and have a quality day!