Justification - My Excuse for Failing to Engage with the World

“My disability was my justification! It was my excuse for failing to engage with the world.”

~ The Arbinger Institute, The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict ~

Justification - My Excuse for Failing to Engage with the World

The quote above carries a lot of weight with me right now. It is what I have been feeling and doing for the past few years, and for a good part of my life. I have said before that sometimes being in the dark place can almost feel comfortable and somewhat safe. It is far from safe, but, since it is what you are used to it becomes familiar.

I now realize that I was using depression and it’s symptoms to disengage from the world. The more detached that I become, the more isolated I would feel. When I reach the feeling of isolation, it gets easier to “justify” my feelings of sadness, depression, and lonesomeness. The word justify has been used by Carpenters, years ago, talking about fixing a crooked wall. So, in our mind when we try to justify something, our mind is trying to fix something that needs to be straightened. If you notice yourself “justifying” something, step back and figure out what it is that you are trying to straighten.

Basically, whatever condition that you are dealing with, can become your excuse for not engaging with the world. We have to guard against numbing ourselves to the world and those around us. We cannot shut people out and then be upset when they are not there. Many people will not work hard enough, or understand what is happening, to stick with you when you push them away.

Justification can keep us in a vicious cycle, no matter what behavior we are justifying. It causes hatred, and mistreatment of people, and in this case, to us. I believe that this is a big part of treating us and everyone around us better. Stop treating yourself like crap and you can begin treating other’s better.     

Knowing this will not stop me from being depressed or feeling anxious, but it is another tool for me to use. Hopefully this will shorten the length and depth of the trips to the dark place. Let's treat each other like people and not objects.   

Question Everything You Have Been Taught

Question Everything You Have Been Taught

How long do we as a people ignore the wrongs that continue to be done to others? How have people been able to pretend that they don’t know how bad some groups have been treated for so many years? How can so many live in such a fantasy land way of thinking that, if someone does not have all that they have, it is not their problem? Is there a way to really make a difference?

Injustices have been waged upon people since the beginning of time, in the name of power, religion, money, hate, prejudice, fear, and desire for control. Too many times these are disguised under a misguided veil of righteousness. More people have been killed in the name of one God or another, than have been killed in natural disasters… (I’m going to let that sit there a minute). That only opens up more questions.

There are so many circumstances and examples that I do not even know where to start. One that stands out (the others are no less important) and is continuing to go on right here in the “Land of the Free” is the oppression and systematic destruction of the Native Americans aka Indigenous People. This began in 1492 when Christopher Columbus “discovered” the New Land, never mind the millions of people who were already living there. The events that took place over the subsequent four hundred years must be labeled what it was, genocide. Go ahead, I dare you to try and find that word in a US History school book, used to describe these events.

During the 1800’s, Manifest Destiny, this was the doctrine or belief that expansion of the American continents was both justified and inevitable probably eased the minds of some European-Americans. One means of control was the creation of reservations and agencies that were under the control of the U.S. Bureau of Indian Affairs. Eventually it would be illegal for the Native American’s to live anywhere but on a reservation, and by the white man’s rules. Many if not most of their practices and languages were outlawed.

In 1890, there was what some called a battle; most called it a massacre at Wounded Knee on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. 150 Native Americans were killed including many woman and children. The Seventh Cavalry (which suffered defeat at Little Big Horn) was chosen for this attack. Some say that Jesuit Priests, who felt threatened by the Ghost Dance Movement, egged on the situation because this was a site of the Ghost Dancers. After the massacre the ghost dancer went underground and all but disappeared.

This short post only scrapes the surface of what happened but it was far from something to be proud of. The people who caused these events or looked the other way are not people to look up to. It is past time that true history be taught to our children and wrongs be righted.

There will come a day when people of all races will put aside their differences

~The Prophecy of the Rainbow Warrior~
"There will come a day when people of all races, colors, and creeds will put aside their differences. They will come together in love, joining hands in unification, to heal the Earth and all Her children. They will move over the Earth like a great Whirling Rainbow, bringing peace, understanding and healing everywhere they go. Many creatures thought to be extinct or mythical will resurface at this time; the great trees that perished will return almost overnight. All living things will flourish, drawing sustenance from the breast of our Mother, the Earth."

We can only hope!

Passing on Knowledge and Chances to Young People

“Young people need models, not critics.”

~ John Wooden ~

Passing on Knowledge and Chances to Young People

I realized that I have been AWOL from my blog for a little bit. Part of that was getting back in the swing of work, healing, and I have been writing in a different forum. I began writing a story geared towards young people who struggle with depression, anxiety, and the general f’d up period of being a teenager.

The idea is to let them know that they are not weird, a problem, or alone. A lot of us have grown up with these things and were taught through society to hide the feelings that don’t fit in. Whatever makes you up as a person is just that, and you will change and learn new things as you grow, but you are you. You should not have to be “accepted” by people around you in the sense that they try to make allowances for you, but you should be loved unconditionally.

I am not sure how long this story will be or where it goes from here. What I do hope is that I can somehow get it into a kid’s hands that need to hear that they are “normal” whatever that is. If that one young person reads it and something in there helps them feel better and more accepted, then, it has been a success.

This past Friday at work I had a chance to practice giving a kid the benefit of the doubt, with the help of a very level headed coworker I must admit. I had already given this kid a chance because he was not completely truthful during his interview about some experience. Here it was, Friday of his first week and he was not at work to start his shift. I initially took this personally and as a slap in the face for giving him a shot. Looking for a voice of reason I asked two coworkers for reasons not to be at work and not to call. They gave me a couple, one of which was “sometimes things just happen”. Damn the reasoning, but it bought him some time. I filled out his termination paper but said I would wait until 9:00 (two hours past his start time) to send it.

He flew in the door at 8:36 am and told me he would be right back to talk to me as soon as he clocked in. I told him to wait right where he was since I was busy on the dock. I finished what I was doing and turned to him, disappointed and very irritated. He began immediately telling me that it would never happen again, that his phone dies and that was his only alarm clock, told me how sorry he was and how much he needed to keep this job. My initial response was for him to go back home and I would let him know what I decided to do. He continued to tell me how much trouble he was going to be in if he lost this job right now.

I told him to go clock, get with his trainer and that we would talk later. I assured him that this didn’t mean he was keeping his job. For the duration of the day, I maintained my disappointed and irritated look whenever I saw him. He came to me after he clocked out at the end of the day to get my final decision. I respect anyone, especially a 21-year-old who knows that he screwed up, to not just sneak out at the end of the day and just show up Monday hoping all is forgotten. I went a little scared straight on him and told him that next time there would not even be a discussion. He was now playing with two strikes. He thanked me for the opportunity and let out a huge sigh of relief as he walked out of my office. I hope it pays off.