This is a story that I have been working on and since I started watching Thirteen Reasons Why I decided to share it. It is about growing up with depression and feelings of loneliness. It is about the struggle that is called adolescence and the shithole that is High School. This is longer than my normal blog posts but this is not a normal post. If one person reads this and it helps them, it is worth sharing.
Surviving in Spite of Myself
‘A Story of Adolescence, and Depression’
By
Eric Welsh
Dedicated to young people who struggle with Adolescence, Anxiety, and Depression.
You are not alone!
“Come on boy,” said PJ Connelly to his only real friend Buddy, they were walking to the corner to get a bottle of pop and a candy bar. Buddy was never on a leash and when they went to a place where dogs were not allowed, he would sit by the window and wait patiently. They had been together since they were both less than one year old and they were inseparable. PJ’s thoughts were all over the place as usual; the school year was starting soon and PJ had already changed schools three times, which made it difficult to keep friends, he was very self-conscious about his weight, lack of confidence, and pretty much everything else.
The weather was perfect, he was with his dog, looking at comic books on the patio of the corner store. So, what is the feeling of emptiness that keeps following him around? This should be a good day and he should feel happy according to logic. But what is happiness anyway? He felt numb most of the time, blending into the background of whatever setting he was in. He was a loner who was not good at being alone, always trying to fit in but never really fitting in. He could not remember ever feeling like a kid, but more of a little adult his whole life.
Later that evening when dinner was over, came the question from his mother that he dreaded. “What’s wrong?” He could only say “I don’t know” which made his mother think that he was hiding something from her. He felt bad that he couldn’t answer her but he had no idea what was going on and would not understand for many years that he was suffering from depression. He trudged on each day teaching himself to be functionally depressed. Which simply means that you continue with everyday functionality while keeping everything bottled up inside. For many years’ people thought he was grumpy and moody but no one dug deep enough or asked the right questions to really understand. After all, it’s normal for teenagers to be awkward and uncooperative so why look deeper. Just keep in mind that they may not yet understand what is going on themselves. Offering a friendly ear is a great start but don’t try to pressure us into explaining it to you. I’ll let the adults in on something; we can’t explain it because we don’t understand it ourselves.
His mother would always ask him “what is wrong?”; this made PJ feel more pressure to try and make sense of his feelings, which only led to more confusion and frustration. He always felt like she was disappointed in him for keeping secrets from her, but it was a secret to himself as well. His mother Amy was a very loving person but she could use guilt as well as any Mom out there. His father Patrick was a professional, work-focused man who did not notice a lot that was going on outside of work. He meant well but did not have a lot of time for family stuff and teaching his son basic skills. PJ got along with his sister Cassidy for the most part but their relationship would not really solidify until they were older. Of course, he had Buddy but his hearing and eyesight were starting to go and PJ knew that the day would come when Buddy would not be there anymore.
As the final days of summer rolled by, PJ felt the mounting dread of the impending school year. With each passing year, PJ’s ‘blending in’ skills became more polished, to the point of almost feeling invisible in a crowd of people. People say that the best place to hide is in plain sight, and the higher the grade level, the more isolated and lost he became. He did make friends from time to time, many instances with the same outcome. As soon as he got close to anyone, either he moved or they moved away. Two such friends were Mitchell and Roger. They began independently to become close friends and before he knew it, Mitchell moved to Florida and Roger moved to Texas to live with his father. This trend, unfortunately, would continue throughout his whole life, to the point where he was wary of getting close to too many people. He would watch for signs that he was feeling too close to someone and try to be careful, but he needed to have someone close. It would be very difficult because he knew that he was setting himself us for pain and disappointment.
There were things that PJ liked to do but they never brought him the joy that he felt they should have. It was more like those days were simply less suffocating than the others. In his mind, he could picture doing great things but when it came to real life, he always held back. Leaving himself dealing with the would have, could have, and should have thoughts that haunted him. Always feeling like he needed to be more or better than he was, but not having the nerve to step out of the shadow of his fears. Mark Twain once said “Courage is the resistance of fear, the mastery of fear, not the absence of fear”, but to a young boy, it felt like a major weakness.
Of course, this is looking back and describing the emotions and feelings after the fact. During the time of his teen years, there was not this clarity and understanding. Most days simply felt like being spun around until you were dizzy and all of the rules were written in another language, while the ground underneath you turned to quicksand. But you are not falling apart or having meltdowns so everyone around you thinks that you are okay, maybe just a little moody. When asked how you were, you robotically replied I’m fine or okay and went about your daily business. After all, guys don’t show weakness or admit to needing help, right? We are taught to suck it up and be a man, don’t show pain or feelings or you will be looked at as weak, or less of a man. Now add on to all of this that he is a highly sensitive and empathetic person. Now you have the recipe for a perfect storm.
One night when PJ and Cassidy came home from hanging out with friends in the neighborhood, they knew from the conversation in the dining room that their parents were balancing the checkbook. This was not a good time to be on the parent's radar, so they quickly went to their rooms to work on homework. Things never got really bad but there was a fair amount of tension when talking about money and the checking account. PJ and Buddy sat by the window with the school books close enough to grab in case anyone came in. Watching out as the sun set and the neighborhood began to settle in for the night. “Why am I so tense? Why can’t I relax? Why do I worry about everything? What am I going to do when you are not here with me?” he asked. Buddy simply nudged up against his side and offered silent support. He knew the day was approaching from things that his parents said. He sat with his best friend watching the stars come out until they fell asleep in the beanbag chair.
He was recalling one-night years ago, at dinner as summer approached; PJ’s parents told him that they had signed him up for summer camp. They were very excited about him going, thinking that it was a good opportunity for him to meet people. They went on and on about the camp pamphlets and information. PJ had all he could do to keep his dinner down that evening because of his nerves.
There would be activities like baseball, basketball, archery, swimming and much more that he had little or no experience doing. Not to mention, that everything was done as a group so these opportunities to look like a complete dork would be seen by many and majorly embarrassing. For the next week and a half, PJ visualized every disastrous event that may or may not materialize. The day came to be dropped off at the bus for camp. There were lots of people running around everywhere and once on the bus, the singing of camp songs began. Did all of the other kids really want to go to this place? He sure did not want to go. Right away on the first night, he was homesick and uncomfortable. He used the pay phone to call and say that he wanted to come home, his Mom said it would get better and to give it time. This was going to be a long week that PJ was not sure if he would be able to make it through, it did not get better.
The first day at breakfast, each camper had to stand up and tell everyone about themselves, what they liked to do and where they were from. Great, the first day and unplanned chance to humiliate himself. The lead counselor pointed to PJ and said “your turn son”, PJ stumbled with his words but got out that he liked fishing with his Grampa and spending time with his dog. As his words trailed off he sat down and looked to the person next to him who luckily could not wait to talk about himself. The rest of the week was spent trying to stay at the end of every line hoping that they ran out of time before his turn came. Anything that was sure to be a disaster was avoided with a well-timed trip to the camp nurse. One way or another he would have to make sure that this did not happen again.
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A few days into the new school year, he was walking the halls at school, surrounded by hundreds of other kids but feeling all alone. Feeling confined and stuck in a system that didn’t really serve his needs. The things he was being taught and tested on were strictly for grades, but nothing that prepared him for real life. Every day he went through the motions and felt like himself becoming numb. Why can’t we have a class that helps me understand who I am or what is going on in my head? Or am I am broken and the only one who feels this way? The class buzzer brought him out of his fog and he invisibly rushed to get to his next class. He wondered once again, how many people even know I’m here?
After school, PJ walked home with his sister and some other kids from the neighborhood. And as he got close to his house he saw Buddy coming to meet him, this was the highlight of his day. He ran to meet Buddy who was getting a little slower every week. After changing his clothes and dropping his school stuff in his room, they head out to walk around the neighborhood and see what was going on until it was time for dinner. He felt pretty good while walking around, he hung out with Billy, John, and Judy. Billy was kind of a loner himself, while John and Judy were more sure of themselves and more popular at school. They all shared the distinction of being young teens with the pressures that come with that as well as High School looming in the distance. That awkward period between being a child and a young adult. They stayed out as long as they could and at 6:30 all started to head home for dinner. While PJ passed Cindy’s house he hollered into the open garage for Cassidy to let her know it was time to go home. She came out and they walked home together talking about their plans to go skating this weekend. PJ hoped Judy would be there, even though she barely knew he existed, and would never think of him as anything but a friend. Judy would go on to like boys who would never treat her as well as PJ would or care for her as much. This was something that PJ would have to get used to. He was a nice kid and would be thought of as a friend, which was a good thing except for these situations.
After dinner PJ was working on his homework and got lost in thought; nights like tonight made him wonder where all the feelings came from. After all, he did not have a bad life. His family was not perfect but they cared about him and loved each other, he had a few friends that he got along with, and he was healthy except for being a little overweight. So why then, does he feel bad most of the time? Why does he feel like he is not good enough the way he is? Oh well, for tonight he would be glad that it was a good night. He got back to his homework and when he was done, went downstairs to spend time with his family. His Dad, in his recliner, read the newspaper, Mom, in her chair, worked on her knitting and PJ and Cassidy watched TV.
For a while, PJ felt kind of popular and it felt so good he ignored the reasons for it. He was with a group of neighborhood kids and they were stopping at a little store that they frequented. One of the older kids named Dennis, aka Dennis the Menace dared PJ to stick a couple of candy bars in his jacket pockets and wait outside. He did this and received an unusual greeting when the rest of the kids came out, they were slapping him on the back and paying attention to him. Dennis told PJ that he was just honest and plain enough looking that no one would ever suspect him. This led to many trips to the store and PJ got pretty good at feeding the neighborhood kids junk food on the trip back. He did not feel good about stealing but he liked the attention. This went on for a while until one day PJ ran in to pick up something for his mother and saw a new curved mirror on the end of the candy aisle. When he got to the register he heard the owner talking to a lady that lived nearby. He said “these kids are robbing me blind and I had to put that mirror up to keep an eye on them. They are not all well behaved like this guy here” pointing to PJ. A wave of guilt came over him and he thought he might throw up. He took PJ’s money and gave him some change, “tell your Mom I said Hi” the store owner said, PJ weakly said “yes sir” and left. He saw Dennis walking by and Dennis said: “come over here bud, what do you have for me?”. PJ kept walking towards home, Dennis caught up and said: “Hey kid I’m talking to you”. PJ took a deep breath and told him that he would not be getting any more “free” stuff from the store, he could not do that to Mr. Charles anymore. “Don’t be a punk, that is what he has insurance for, and besides, he has the money” Dennis blurted out. PJ knew that his days of feeling like a cool kid were ending but he did could not do this again, so he said: “Sorry, find another sucker”. He walked home with a weird combination of pride and feeling of loss, he had his principles, but he was not the center of attention.
One morning PJ was lying in bed and listening to everyone getting ready for their day. Soon, his Mom would be up to check on him to see how he felt. He had a feeling that she knew most of the time he was faking but let it go for a long time. Today was another “sick day” from school, which PJ had more than his share of. There were days that his fear of everything that might go wrong or happen would paralyze him from getting going. Deep down he got angry with himself because he knew that it was all an excuse to not face the events of the day. It didn’t matter what those events were, some days, he wanted no part of them. This added to his power of invisibility. These days weighed heavily on him; partially because of what he was avoiding, but also, because of the deep resentment he had for himself on his “give up” days. He almost always knew what he should do, but almost always let fear get the better of him. So, which is worse, fear or self-loathing…they both suck to be saddled with. At least a million times in his life he daydreamed of how he should have or wished he did this or that but never followed through.
“What would I do if I was not afraid? What would that even feel like?” To walk up to a girl, and talk to her and maybe even ask her out. To step in and protect someone from being bullied, maybe even himself. How about answering a question or participating in a classroom discussion without feeling like he was going to puke? To be able to make friends and have people to hang out with. Well, most of those questions would remain a mystery for many years. There go the cars backing out of the driveway with Mom and Dad going to work. Now downstairs for a snack and some TV in the living room.
In the afternoon when the first school bus went by, it was time to go back and stay in his room. His sister came home first and gave him a hard time for being a slacker, then she did her homework, changed and went out the door. Now, it was time to figure out how much better or worse he would feel when his parents got home. Usually, he was indifferent saying “I think I feel a little better” which kept his options open. If he pushed his luck too much he would fall too far behind on his school work and his parents would lose their patience. Tomorrow was not a gym or test day so he might as well not take any chances. He would be feeling better and might even be well enough to eat some dinner and watch TV tonight. He heard his mother come in and walk up the stairs and towards his room. She poked her head in and asked how he felt. His reply was “better, I even feel a little hungry”, she said, “I’ll go start dinner, your father will be home in a while” Soon after she went downstairs he heard pans clanking and could smell something that he could not identify, but it smelled good. He would have to be careful of the dinner conversation until he gauged his father’s mood, but this was not his first time at this.
PJ’s father was a good man, but he found himself heavily consumed with his work and related activities. His work also added to him being detail oriented and somewhat inflexible. This created friction between the two because PJ was protective by nature and did not always stand down when Dad was home. Their relationship, like many of PJ’s, would not be very close until later in life. He was not good at letting his defenses down and letting anyone in. After all, it seemed like every time he let someone in, he got hurt one way or another.
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The holidays would be coming soon; they were always a strange and awkward time for him because they made him both happy and sad. It was a time to spend time with family, but the older he got, it was a reminder of who was not with us anymore. Thanksgiving, when he was young, meant traveling to his Aunt’s house, all day snacking from the big table and the men of the house watching football until they were called to dinner. Christmas morning always started before sunrise and felt like it got over too fast, and a week later a new year began. Would this one be better than the last?
The following months were spent going to school and hanging out in the neighborhood. PJ had good days and bad, but on the outside very few noticed the difference. He was getting better at not showing his feelings to others. Which is not the best way to deal with feelings and it lets things build up inside. Unfortunately, he did not know what else to do or how else to deal with his feelings.
One Saturday morning in May, PJ and Buddy were out and about in the neighborhood, PJ on his bike and Buddy trotting alongside. It was early in the morning and very quiet except for the birds and the sound of PJ’s tires on the street. As they got down the street, Billy caught up with them. He was out of breath from running out to the garage, jumping on his bike, and racing to catch PJ. Billy had had a rough night because of his parent’s fighting again, they did that a lot. PJ strained to listen to his friend through his own racing thoughts. He had just found out last night when his Dad got home that they were moving again, this time was not only changing schools but going to a different state. They talked briefly and then just rode bikes and quietly supported each other. They were each secretly thankful to have the other along for the ride.
Buddy’s health continued to decline and one Friday afternoon before the move, PJ found himself sitting in the vet’s office with his Mom and Buddy; he knew deep down what the outcome would be but he did not want to admit it yet. They sat there together, PJ in a chair and Buddy on the floor with his head in PJ’s lap. Both lost in thought and memories of better days. Every now and again a stray tear would warm PJ’s cheek and he would brush it away before anyone could see it, but honestly, he knew there was no hiding his true feelings. The nurse called him several times before his Mom nudged him back to reality. PJ and Buddy slowly walked into the office to meet whatever came next, together. After a long conversation, they were all quiet and kept Buddy as calm as possible. The Vet spoke very calmly and compassionately to Buddy as he administered the needle. PJ held on to Buddy and comforted him until he crossed over, then he took his collar off and put it in his pocket. He was alone now. What would he do? How would he go on every day without his best friend? He could not remember a time when he felt lonelier.
Many nights PJ couldn’t sleep or woke up early he would lie there, listening to the sounds of the night. There was something strangely comforting to him about the darkness and quiet of the pre-dawn hours. Getting up very early would be a habit that would stick with him his whole life. His mind seemed to work best while others slept. He spent a lot of time dealing with multiple feelings at the same time; the comfort of the dark and loneliness of it, pride on an accomplishment and fear of expectations, the well-being of being close to someone and anxiety of losing them. PJ could be described as a conundrum wrapped in an enigma, or in simpler terms a mixed-up mess (or so he thought). He would come to figure out later that this confusion was caused because he was a very empathetic person, so he felt many emotions but also picked up on the emotions of others. This meant that cared deeply for people and animals, but he also felt their pain. On this particular pre-dawn session, he thought about his family that was scattered around five states and how he wished they were closer. He also thought about Buddy; he knew he would get other dogs but there was only one Buddy. He was never really sure if he believed in Heaven but hoped it was there for the comfort of Buddy and those he had lost. For now, he looked at the stars and tried to quiet his monkey mind.
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After they were loaded up for the move PJ took one more trip around the neighborhood. He would miss this place and some of the people, but that was his life. He made friends and once he got close to someone, either they moved or he did. As they drove away he looked out the back window and waved to Judy and with that wave went his hopes of someday winning her over.
The next year and a half were spent in transition; a school year at one school while living with friends, camping for the summer, and then living in temporary housing until the house was ready to move into. During this transition time, he saw one of his best friends die in front of him. His friend Dave, who had an inoperable brain tumor, had many close calls over the course of his life and always fought through. So when Dave’s Dad told them that he was in bad shape, there was room for hope. But when PJ got there and saw many people from the town surrounding Dave’s bed, one at a time saying their goodbyes that hope sunk. He had not responded to anyone so far but they continued anyway. When Dave’s Mom saw PJ in the back of the room, she took him by the hand and walked him to Dave’s bedside. He reached out and took Dave’s hand in his and just them Dave moved his fingers to grasp his friend’s hand. Dave’s Mom began to cry and leaned down and kissed her son on the forehead. Shortly after, you could feel the air being sucked out of everyone in the room as Dave took his last breath.
He was alone yet again and it was not long after that it was time for the second leg of this transition. Camping should have been the best way to spend an entire summer but, PJ was at such a weird and awkward part of his life that it was not as good as it should have been. During that summer, he began to challenge his Dad’s authority a little more, and he was also having trouble sharing the “man of the house” status. He has never forgiven himself for squaring off with his father one evening at the campsite in front of his whole family. Mom was very upset, Cassidy was crying as they stood there glaring at each other with clenched fists. PJ knew that his father could not and should not back down first so he turned and ran into the woods and did not come back until dark. This would not be talked about very much, but PJ always quietly carried the shame of that day. Other than that time nature was an environment which offered comfort to him, maybe for the same complexities and contradictions. The dangers of it, and its sheer beauty and the way things seemed to work even if there was little explanation as to how. He loved to go fishing with his grandfather whenever he could. The two would spend hours in the boat when he stayed with his grandparents in the Spring. To be honest, catching fish was fun but he loved being out there in the boat with him so much that it did not matter if he caught any. During the week he stayed there, they would only be on dry land long enough to eat and sleep, and sometimes his grandma would come too for a while. She liked to fish but when she was ready to go in she would say “someone has to cook for you two or you will stay out here until you starve”. At night we would light a campfire and talk about the ones that got away and the ones we would catch tomorrow. Those were good times!
PJ lost a grandfather and grandmother during his teen years, and the other two in his twenties. This was hard but got harder later when he began to understand the significance and weight of the loss. Grandparents are a gift to be treasured and resource to be valued. Do not take them for granted; their value to your family only increases with time, and when they are gone it can be like traveling without a compass. Do not leave things unsaid, or feel like seeing them is an obligation.
For that matter, no one close to you should be taken for granted. Our time here is short and one of the most difficult things to live with is words not said to someone. These words will fester in your mind every time you think about that person and wish you had one more chance to say them to their face. It may not seem important at the time, but those words could make that person’s day, or depending on the circumstances, follow you forever.
There were periods when PJ wondered if taking his own life was the answer, but deep down he knew that would destroy his mother and he could not bear to hurt her. He would just have to keep moving forward and hope that one of these days these feelings would go away or at least he would be able to understand them. It is not like he ever planned to do harm to himself, but he would sometimes indirectly picture things; like if he was on a bridge or tall building, he might wonder what it would be like or how easy it would be to simply, walk off the edge. Deep down he felt that he was put here for a reason and he had to figure out what that reason was and fulfill it. He always tried to remember a saying that he heard, which was, “Do not make a permanent decision on a temporary situation”.
Please, never be afraid to talk to someone if you are having feelings like this. Or, do not be silent if you know of someone who might be thinking about hurting themselves. Saving someone’s life is not a betrayal, and if they feel that way, they’ll get over it. They will be alive to be upset with you for a while. Program the number of the suicide hotline and any other emergency numbers into your phone so that if that time ever comes for you or someone you know, it’s quickly available. This is not a joke. Hopefully, you never need it but, if it is in your contacts, it is always available. (check the resource section)
Going to school did not get much better and life continued to be difficult, but PJ continued to move forward as best he could. It was much later in his life that he finally realized that it was not only okay to ask for help, but sometimes it is necessary. He realized that if you are carrying something and you struggle with the weight of it, you ask for help. If you have a medical problem, you go see a doctor. It is not a weakness to ask for help, as a matter of fact, most times it takes a tremendous amount of strength to say that you need some help.
The one thing that does help him feel better about himself is to help others. You think that your problems are so heavy that you have nothing left to help others. Share what you have, share what is in your heart, and try to help at least one person to feel better, and you will find that is where real strength comes from. This does not mean that you feel better because someone feels worse, only that you are there for them when they need you.
You are not alone and should learn to take care of yourself as well. It might sound corny when someone tells you that you have to love yourself to love others, but it is absolutely true. Each situation of your life is temporary. This does not take away from its importance in the least, but good or bad times will move on with time. This present moment is gone as soon as it is gone and you have a new one to live. Don’t miss the next worrying about the last. I tell you this because I can’t write a letter to myself when I was younger to help get through those goofy, crazy, confusing years stuck in the void between child and young adult. So instead I want to tell you to live your life now. The past cannot be changed and should not be attached to you like a weight, and the future is made up of living the present moment over and over again. There is nothing to change in the future because it has not happened yet. There is always now and if you are here now, there is always hope and someone to help, which means it is never too late.
There are so many challenges when you talk about depression and mental health issues, and more if you are male. And add being a teenage male and now that can be a real challenge, but not an impossible challenge. One of those challenges was that PJ always wanted independence, but never had the self-confidence to achieve it. Thinking back as an adult he thought about many times when he tried going to camp or was in other situations wherein his hopes of becoming independent were thwarted by the turbulence of his brain and fear of the unknown. It is hard when you feel uncomfortable and lonely around people and you are not comfortable being alone.
If someone can not or will not love you for who you are, you don’t need them. Let them serve as a lesson as to how not to treat people. Be who you are and as long as you are not hurting anyone and you are able to look yourself in the mirror every morning, you are all right. Do not let anyone make you believe otherwise.
I would love to tell you that for sure things will get easier or better but I would be lying if I did because no one knows that for sure. You make it what it is and you get better tools to cope with your individual situation. Trust that you are here for a reason and your reason is to find your purpose and share it with the world. It does not have to be glamorous or spectacular in magnitude, it only has to help one person to be worthy. Make one person’s life better or more bearable and you are living your purpose. Never think small of yourself or your dreams and never think that you are not worthy of love. Never lower your standards because you feel like you are worth less than another. Never treat someone like less to make you feel like more.
The whole point of this story is to let you know that you are not weird or broken, and you are not alone in feeling depression or anxiety. It is okay and even a good idea to talk to someone when you get these feelings and are struggling. Although this is a fictional story, it is based on real things in my life. I later realized that it was okay and even necessary to ask for help. It did not mean that I was weak or any less of a man. It is normal to have feelings and be compassionate to other people. We have to help each other and always remember that everyone is dealing with something, so be kind. If we can help just one person then our time here is well spent.
Sometimes, the people who seem like they deserve love and caring are the ones that need them the most. So, think before you react to an unkind person. You could be surprised by their reaction to you showing them kindness, and you might be the only one who ever took the time to be kind to them. You could change their life and yours in the process. You must not allow life to harden your heart and stifle your soul. Remember that you are here for a reason.
Have you ever thought about suicide? Well, for me this was a passing thought because I knew it would destroy my mother, and then later, my daughters if I was to take my own life. So basically, for the same reasons, I never got a motorcycle… I guess you can say that the weight of pleasing and being there for others may have saved my life. This was one of the many ironies of life. Whatever life has in store for me, I am destined or cursed to be a survivor.
Any thought of doing damage to yourself or anyone else should not be taken lightly. You need to speak to someone you trust and get guidance through times like these. It will feel like you are alone in this world and that no one understands or cares but I am here to tell you that this is not true. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is most definitely a sign of strength and reason. Do not let anyone tell you different.
The hard part for most children and teens is; they may not realize they are struggling with anxiety and/or depression since there are so many changes going on in their lives anyway during those years. It can feel like you can’t do anything right or that no one believes in you. People aren’t always honest with you because; you are a kid, they don’t want to worry you, you wouldn’t understand. If you are a boy you have the added challenge of the be a man syndrome.
Before another moment passes; I want to say that your life does matter, more people care about you than you realize, and, no one has the right to make you feel like you are not important. Don’t wait until things build up so much that it feels like you are overwhelmed. Every day that you wake up is another chance, so, make the most of every day you get and try to make someone’s life better. We are all part of each other and we touch more lives than we realize. You are not alone no matter what it feels like. Sometimes things get better and other times we get better at dealing with them. Know the difference because you can get better at dealing with or working around issues and not really deal with the problem. You deserve to be happy and feel good no matter what anyone (including yourself) tells you.
Trust the feeling in your gut when people are trying to get you to do things that you don’t want to do or that you would not do without the peer pressure. Anyone who pushes you to do anything against your will is not a friend anyway. Don’t be afraid to walk away from anyone who does not have your best interest at heart and stay close to those who do. Remember that not all people are dishonest or untrustworthy, and sometimes you have to take chances on people. Warning; caring about people is not always easy and they will break your heart sometimes. That being said, it is totally worth it when you meet another person with a good heart and soul. Do not give up on good people, they are hard enough to find.
If you need to or want to talk to someone, please look at the Resource List or get with someone you trust.
- It is not okay for someone to hurt you or to hurt others
- You do not have to suffer, you are not alone
- There are people who care and who can help
- Other people feel like you do
- I can’t say this enough; You are here for a reason!
Don’t make a permanent decision because of a temporary situation
Resource List
- School Guidance Counselor
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Call 1-800-273-8255
- Teen Help Line - Call 310-855-4673 - Text TEEN to 839863
- National Institute of Mental Health - https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression/index.shtml
- ewelsh723.blogspot.com (if you leave me a comment or message I promise to respond)
If you made it this far, Please leave a comment and let me know what you think. If you know a kid that is struggling (aka a teenager) Please share this with them.
Thank you as always for being part of this journey.
Eric
