When You Are in the Fight of Your Life

 When You Are in the Fight of Your Life

What do you do when you hear yourself telling a trusted person "whatever this is inside me will either fuel me to do what I need to do to get out of this or, I will crash and burn"?  Of course, they ask "what does crash and burn look like to you? I reply by describing the scene in Top Gun when Maverick flies into Ice Man's jet wash. He loses control of his jet and they have to eject over the ocean. Goose hits the canopy and dies causing Maverick to lose confidence in himself and his inability to engage an enemy. Well, they say, "so you have given this some thought"

There are some big decisions that I need to make and, somehow I need to separate what I feel obligated to do and how it might affect others and what is best for me. I am usually the last one with whom I worry about wellbeing and I really need to move myself up the ladder of worth. I really wish I was as good at the following of advice as I am at giving it.    

I never give up without a fight. I don't always win those fights but, I will fight. I have been pushing myself since Sunday to do something positive every day but, I have a long way to go. I have to remind myself that I have a few really good people supporting me and that I am battle-tested. 

In the meantime, I will keep spreading resources for people and initiating conversations about depression and suicidal ideation. Below you will find some of those resources that I would personally ask you to put on your phone. If not for yourself, just in case you ever come across a life you might save.  

Peace and blessings to you!

·         National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

·         Nacional de Prevención del Suicidio: 1-888-628-9454

·         Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255 or Text 838255

·         Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 

The Dating Conundrum

The Dating Conundrum  

“Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.”

~Joey Adams~

I have recently thrown my hat back into the dating arena. It is, to say the least, a challenge. I am by nature a blunt, straightforward person which everyone “says” they want…not always true. Being too honest and not being face to face where you can engage in real give and take conversation mostly leads to misunderstanding. Communicating over text or other messaging forms is difficult. Oh, I can absolutely blow it face to face, I’d be lying if I said different but, I feel like a have a better chance of being understood. 

I have been ghosted over such volatile topics as what kind of music I like or that I have a younger child. First, if the fact that I like many genres of music, yes including Tupac is a reason to run for the hills, I say run. As for having a younger child, take a minute to understand that she is very important to me and spends time with me, she has a mother, so settle down psycho and take a breath. So, how do you balance being honest and scaring people away? 

How do you even know when you are right for each other or one or both of you is filling a void? Everyone says “you just know” but, I don’t get it. I thought at times this might be true but I was wrong, I hope someday I get it. For now, I guess I will have to ride the roller coaster and hope that the car stays on the tracks. 

I have seen so many people settle and try to convince everyone, including themselves that they are happy. I’ve done this and don’t want to anymore. So, stumble through I will, at least for a while. If all else fails I can liquidate and jump on my bike and ride into the sunset.  

As always, I wish you peace!

The Consequences of Leadershit

 The Consequences of Leadershit

 

“Never push a loyal person to the point where he no longer cares.”

We all know someone loyal and has been pushed past their breaking point. Hell, at some point we all have probably been that person. Why do people tolerate sub-par or even horrible qualities in managers? Many people in management positions are not leaders and have no idea how to be one. There is a difference between being inexperienced or simply a poor Manager and having real Leadershit potential.

 I borrowed the term “leadershit” from a friend and it fits only too well the kind of people I am talking about. These people can micro-manage employees while never really giving them any guidance. Everything you don’t do, you should have done, and everything you do is wrong. Every day is a barrage of narcissistic, passive-aggressive behavior that leaves you wondering why you are doing what you do in the first place. It is physically and mentally exhausting just to make it through the week. Throughout the process, you feel like your work and that of those around you are suffering.  What is hard is when these managers keep up a front to their peers and superiors while quietly belittling those around them.

Some might even use the term “gas-lighting” for the way they treat others. Making it feel like you are the one who is messed up and should be doing things differently. Add in the inability to feel empathy and it becomes a real party. Working for a person like this leaves one feeling empty, useless and unfulfilled so, why do we do it?

Sometimes everything else feels like it could be right if this one thing was fixed. You put your hope for the future in those above you to do the right thing. Sometimes they do and sometimes they will let it drag out while employees leave. It is easier to blame those who are not there anymore than it is to stand up and do what is right.  Hence, those responsible for these managers can either do what is right and admittedly difficult or become leadershit breeders.   

If you are in a leadership position and tout having a specific “culture” that your company follows, you had better be living that culture from top to bottom. Not just when it is convenient or to parade around to the outside world. I have news for you; your employees know when it is genuine and when it is BS. End leadershit now!! 

What Would You Tell Your 21-year-old Self?

 

What Would You Tell Your 21-year-old Self?

 

We have all most likely heard the question “what would you tell your younger self?” Have you given this any tangible thought? Can this advice help the next generations or will they ignore it like we did? Would it be different relationships, careers, friendships, or what choices would you make differently?

What about the Butterfly Effect? How would these choices change who you are and who or what is in your life? This makes me think of things that we thought we really wanted but didn’t get and later realized it was for the best.

Is there anyone out there who can honestly say that they would not do anything differently? If you wouldn’t, is it because you are completely happy with your path? If so, maybe you had the courage and foresight to make these decisions in real-time? Maybe it is not even about doing things drastically differently and it is more about what advice you would give your younger self.  

I think I might start by saying; make sure to believe in yourself, people are basically full of shit, and don’t be so damn hard on yourself. Stop listening to everyone else’s reason and buy the damn motorcycle and follow your passions. I would make sure to tell my 21-year-old self that someone is going to come into your life, do not let her get away because you will spend the rest of your life trying to fill the void that is left. I would like to hear what you would have told your 21-year-old self.    

As always, thank you for reading my ramblings. Peace

Spreading Hope - Because, Without Hope, We Are Lost

 

Spreading Hope - Because, Without Hope, We Are Lost

April is National Child Abuse Awareness Month as well as National Month of Hope. If you know me you know where I stand on child abuse, you also know I have had my struggles with hope. So I thought I would take this opportunity to focus on both. This past year has put countless children at risk of unreported abuse. Unfortunately, many children rely on their school to be a safe place where they get a meal. Teachers and administrators watch for and report any suspicious behavior or signs of abuse. For information on how to help or find help, go to https://bacaworld.org/ 

Without hope, we are lost; period. Spring is the perfect time to lift not only your own spirits but of those around you. I completely believe that by raising up those around you, you raise yourself. How can you spread hope, you ask? Get involved in your community or neighborhood. Whether it be a formal volunteer program, or simply helping a neighbor out. Pick up trash around a park or other areas near you. Focus on youth and/or the elderly. Assure a better quality of life and you will seldom go wrong.  

“Unless you walk a mile in their shoes you won’t know how to help!”

Here is a big one that has become somewhat of a lost art: communicate with friends, family, and neighbors! Yes!! I mean actually talk to them. I know, it seems crazy, but even a short conversation from time to time can make a huge difference in someone’s life. You might be the only person who took the time to speak to them that day! And it just might make their whole day!

There are many ways to give of yourself and spread hope. If you are able to donate money, that is great. But if not, you can donate items and/or you can give your time. Look into helping at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, or volunteer with youth or the elderly.

You can write letters to those who cannot get out and may not get visitors. Love for The Elderly is a group that you can write letters to, and then they will distribute them. Elderly people have suffered from isolation for a long time, but COVID magnified the isolation and many are dying alone. For more information, visit: www.loveforourelders.org/letters-of-love.html   

While you are finding ways to inspire hope in others, don’t forget about yourself! Flight attendants instruct you to put on your oxygen mask, first, before attempting to help others. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will not be able to take care of others. 

Until next time, I wish you Peace and Hope!

We all Fail, but, We Are Not Failures

 We all Fail, but, We Are Not Failures 

“I'm cool with failing so long as I know that there are people around me that love me unconditionally.” ~Dave Chappelle~

Many of us grow up with an unachievable and unrealistic idea of the need for perfection. We carry more than our share of guilt and perceived expectations. It may stem from critiques of creativity, over-emphasis of “staying in the lines” while coloring or writing, how we dressed, or a simple, unintentional comment that someone else’s safety or well-being is our responsibility. Kids have all they can handle simply digesting the daily doses of information that are bombarded with. It is unnecessary and unfair to add your unresolved baggage to that load. 

If there is one message I could get kids to understand it would be; We all fail multiple times every day. It is what you do with those failures and what you learn from them that matters. Period. No one is perfect, no one is immune from failure. Anyone who tells you they do not fail is not being honest with you or themselves. There is no reason to feel bad about failing as long as you learn from it and ask yourself, how can I make sure this doesn’t happen again? 

We have to watch our self-talk and how we word things. I made a mistake, I am not a mistake. I screwed up, I am not a screw-up. What I did was stupid, I am not stupid. I did everything I could (if you honestly did). I need to stop trying to influence things I have no influence over. I can only control what I do and cannot control the thoughts or actions of others. 

All of that being said, I am not saying that we are relieved of responsibility or putting in the work. This is not a free pass, but rather, a reminder to carry your own shit and everyone else carries theirs. Be honest about who you are and be the best you, you can be. Peace and love until next time.   

2020 A Year of Loss

2020 A Year of Loss

Many people have struggled and suffered through loss. People have lost jobs or had careers turned upside down. Lost family members that they could not see, or been stuck inside of facilities with no choice but to be alone and miss family. Kids have been without support systems they rely on at school. Businesses have struggled and some have been forced to close or find new ways to stay above water. 

I know I am not alone or special in my struggles, but it has been one of the worst years for me. During the past year, I feel like I lost connection with friends and had yet another close friend move away. I had to begin dealing with the loss of my parents which evidently, I have not been dealing with. 

I lost my family as my divorce became final. That divorce brought front and center, many questions and feelings of failed past relationships. Not to mention becoming a part-time parent to my youngest daughter. This has fostered tremendous guilt and loneliness. Watching her struggle with and try to make sense of this, brakes my heart. I have tried to help her understand that which I do not understand. 

I know my work suffered while I swam in the quicksand of depression and renewed grief. Worst of all, I lost myself. I spent many nights numbing my brain and feelings with alcohol. Only recently have I begun to see an ever so slight glimmer of light. I have a long way to go but at this point, I will take a small victory here and there while we recover from the Shit Storm Dumpster Fire we call 2020. 

Today, someone came to my office and told me that the bulletin I put out for January inspired her to take better care of herself. It was the first time in a very long time that I felt like I inspired anyone. I will hopefully find more reasons to have hope and get back on track. 

Thank you for reading and I wish you peace.