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Have you ever thought about suicide or hurting yourself or others?

"Hopelessness is a feeling. It's not a fact."
~ Anohni ~



Have you ever thought about suicide or hurting yourself or others?
A common question from medical and mental health professional people is; “Have you ever thought of suicide or hurting yourself or others?” I used to answer this with a quick “no” or “of course not” until recently. I have since heard myself say “well, I have thought about the act of suicide, but never planned my own”, half-jokingly “I’ve got too many responsibilities for that” and most recently, “Only to the length that if I was to do something; I would have to find a way to make it look like an accident (without doubt) to assure that loved ones were not burdened with my debt. Next, I am an organ donor and want to donate everything possible so it could not be messy.” Later that day I found myself looking at the Crisis Hotline information. I stopped and digested the events of the day. So…would that be a yes?

So then the question arises; what if a person…

Do you know what it is like to feel invisible?

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"I am an invisible man. I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids - and I might even be said to possess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me." ~ Ralph Ellison ~

Do you know what it is like to feel invisible?

From time to time I go back and read what I write and think how absolutely pitiful my thoughts sound. But, I promised myself to be honest when I write so here I am in all my pathetic glory. 
Do you know what it is like to feel invisible? To speak and have people appear to not hear your voice. Stand in a crowd and everyone around you is unaware of your presence as if you were transparent. I have been talking to people and they either start doing something or talking to someone else and I have walked away, unnoticed, in mid-sentence. When I don’t feel unseen, I feel like I am being judged by everyone around me. My mind runs full speed through all possible critiques and then comes the negative self-talk, next, I strug…

Surviving in Spite of Myself ‘A Story of Adolescence, and Depression’

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This is a story that I have been working on and since I started watching Thirteen Reasons Why I decided to share it. It is about growing up with depression and feelings of loneliness. It is about the struggle that is called adolescence and the shithole that is High School. This is longer than my normal blog posts but this is not a normal post. If one person reads this and it helps them, it is worth sharing. 
Surviving in Spite of Myself ‘A Story of Adolescence, and Depression’
By Eric Welsh
Dedicated to young people who struggle with Adolescence, Anxiety, and Depression. You are not alone!
“Come on boy,” said PJ Connelly to his only real friend Buddy, they were walking to the corner to get a bottle of pop and a candy bar. Buddy was never on a leash and when they went to a place where dogs were not allowed, he would sit by the window and wait patiently. They had been together since they were both less than one year old and they were inseparable. PJ’s thoughts were all over the place as …

Sometimes There is a Certain Comfort in Darkness, Sometimes it is Just Darkness

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"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." ~ Edgar Allan Poe ~

Sometimes There is a Certain Comfort in Darkness, Sometimes it is Just Darkness
I hear people say how fun things are and I wonder what that feels like. I am able to joke around and some things do make me laugh, but it does not last. Anything that I think about doing for myself makes me feel guilty, which is partially a product of being raised in a Roman Catholic household. Sorry, I had to say that.
How then do I illustrate my darkness? It is problematic to explain how and what I feel, so most times, I don’t try. It is a combination of many feelings mixed with anxiety, surrounded by emptiness and loneliness. The next stop on the roller coaster is normally apathy. Which deep down, I mostly don’t give a shit about much. It is hard to feel lonely but not really want to be around people. I have always heard people say “what …

Eight Days of Hope

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“Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air...but only for one second without hope.” ~ Hal Lindsey ~
Eight Days of Hope

As most of you know, I am traveling to the Cheyenne River Sioux Reservation in May. I have been very pleased with the amount that I have had donated so far, but I have a ways to go to cover the trip and expenses. I am coming up on a deadline to submit the final payment for the trip itself, the night at the motel and incidentals.

This is a service trip with Simply Smiles which is a not for profit organization, based in Connecticut, and volunteers are a critical piece of their work. They also have a year-round children’s home in Oaxaca, Mexico. I have researched them and I believe it is a worthy group doing important work that others have ignored. All that being said, it is not a trip free of expenditures, and you have to take time away from work and family.


I am asking for nothing for myself, but to he…

It's Better to Burn Out, Than Fade Away

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"You do not need a therapist if you own a motorcycle, any kind of motorcycle!" ~ Dan Aykroyd ~


It's Better to Burn Out, Than Fade Away I dreamed of this for so many years and unfortunately did not trust my gut or myself for that matter, to do what was in my heart. I have never been good at doing what I wanted and too good at doing the “responsible thing”. Until one day I looked up motorcycle safety classes at two area colleges. Once I found a class and time that would work with my schedule and I gave myself five seconds to decide. I counted off in my head and clicked the enroll button. I knew in the first hour on the riding course that I was meant to ride.


It is hard to explain the feeling I get when riding my motorcycle. There is the obvious sensation of freedom, but it goes way beyond a simple feeling. Once I climb in the saddle and start the engine, we become one. No one else is inside that helmet with me.


The similarities of riding and trail running are amazing to me…

Be the Kind of Friend You Need on Your Worst Days

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“Remember that the most valuable antiques are dear old friends.” ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr. ~

Be the Kind of Friend You Need on Your Worst Days


Have you ever finished a conversation with a good friend and felt like you just left the therapist office? They listen to you without judgment and offer some thoughts, a little advice and ask the tough questions. The type of questions that you might tell someone else to “F” off. They make you think for yourself while letting you know that you are not alone.
You find yourself telling them things that you don’t tell others. If you are good enough friends, you let them peek through the cracks and dark places that come from being broken. They know to say just enough and know when to back off. They will tell you that you are full of shit if you are, but they will listen anyway.
You may not even get to see them often or there might be gaps of time you are apart, but when you see each other it feels like no time has passed. These are the people that you…