2020 A Year of Loss

2020 A Year of Loss

Many people have struggled and suffered through loss. People have lost jobs or had careers turned upside down. Lost family members that they could not see, or been stuck inside of facilities with no choice but to be alone and miss family. Kids have been without support systems they rely on at school. Businesses have struggled and some have been forced to close or find new ways to stay above water. 

I know I am not alone or special in my struggles, but it has been one of the worst years for me. During the past year, I feel like I lost connection with friends and had yet another close friend move away. I had to begin dealing with the loss of my parents which evidently, I have not been dealing with. 

I lost my family as my divorce became final. That divorce brought front and center, many questions and feelings of failed past relationships. Not to mention becoming a part-time parent to my youngest daughter. This has fostered tremendous guilt and loneliness. Watching her struggle with and try to make sense of this, brakes my heart. I have tried to help her understand that which I do not understand. 

I know my work suffered while I swam in the quicksand of depression and renewed grief. Worst of all, I lost myself. I spent many nights numbing my brain and feelings with alcohol. Only recently have I begun to see an ever so slight glimmer of light. I have a long way to go but at this point, I will take a small victory here and there while we recover from the Shit Storm Dumpster Fire we call 2020. 

Today, someone came to my office and told me that the bulletin I put out for January inspired her to take better care of herself. It was the first time in a very long time that I felt like I inspired anyone. I will hopefully find more reasons to have hope and get back on track. 

Thank you for reading and I wish you peace.