“If you chose not to decide you still have made a choice.”
~ Rush ~
Okay I know if you grew up with any taste in music that song is stuck in your head now. So I will wait for you…
Now that I have your attention I will tell you what I learned about myself tonight. First let me back up to this morning; my alarm went off and I slowly got dressed and half heartedly put on my running shoes. The temperature was about 40-42 degrees and it was going to cool off all day long and stay cold for a while. So it was not a bad morning to run. Then why did I talk myself out of it and say I will go to the community center after work and try to make myself run after work. Up front, I can tell you I would much rather run in the morning and outside but I am convincing myself to wait. Of course all day long I was miserable and beat myself up for not staying on schedule. I did make it to the community center and did a little over two miles on the indoor track which is a far cry from the planned five miles I was going to do this morning.
While I was going around the track listening to How to Win Friends an Influence People by Dale Carnegie (downloaded on Audible on my phone) I realized something. I guess I knew this but it really came to light tonight that I love to run and it is a great release for me and I love to workout in general, but I hate to “have” to do it on a certain schedule. I am miserable every time I have to stick to a specific schedule for running and it affects my regular workouts. I do not mind and as a matter of fact I kind of enjoy getting out and running in weather that makes people look at me like I am nuts. So if I can lace up in the snow or rain and find peace in the misery why is it that I can talk myself out of a 42 degree morning when I am already to head out? Then I think back to runs and races that I have had a great time and others that have been miserable. The common denominator to this equation was the times I most enjoyed were the ones that I did for fun. The others that were not so much fun were the ones that I was on a specific training schedule.
Now I have to ask myself; how important is it to me to accomplish this 20 miler in February and the 50K April? What will it mean if I do not do them? Will anyone lose respect for me if I started out saying I was doing this and now I say I might not do it? Will I end up regretting it later if I do not do it? Or will I still love to run and enjoy it more if I just do it because I want to? My wife reminded me when I told her of my dilemma, that I told her last year that I thought that the 10K was a good race distance for me and that I enjoy runs from 5 to 10 miles. This revelation along with everything that we have on our plates coming up this year and with work issues, I really do not need to be adding stress to my life. What I need is a release, which is why I run in the first place. I guess I have a lot to think about between now and the first of the year which is when I originally said was when I would commit to the 50K anyway.