Thoughts and fears being put to the test

“Stay focused, go after your dreams and keep moving toward your goals.”

~ LL Cool J ~

Thoughts and fears being put to the test

After some rough weeks dealing with winter and life I am pleased to say that I think I am coming out more focused. I have also somewhat respectably maintained my training mileage and aside from being tired I feel like I have a good base to build on. I would love to say that I lace up and breeze through my runs but…I am still a regular guy that runs and will live with and accept that. Although I am looking at a pretty aggressive race schedule, for me, I will not be thinking about PR’s or finish times during the next eight months. What I will be looking at and focusing on is on a deeper level. Can I follow though with the training? What am I made of? Can I finish? Probably the most important question might be; can I get to the starting line?

I was talking to a very close friend the other day and I realized that if I am 100% honest (with myself more than anyone) I have to ask all of these questions and more. That I have no idea whether I can finish a 50K is irrelevant. What scares me more than anything is committing to the training and seeing it through and showing up on race day. If I can do those things, then what happens after the horn sounds is a bonus. The thought of disappointing others and myself and the commitment of this endeavor scare me more than the actual event. That being said; now that it is out there for everyone to see, I  believe I have grown enough as a person to accept the challenge and the help that has been offered and go for it. Being honest one more time I will admit that I will be thrilled beyond belief to cross the finish before the cutoff time, but I will be more proud and satisfied when I am officially crossing the start line. Every race coming up is a Trail Nerd event so I am looking forward to a season of fun, challenging trail runs. These include a 10K in March, 2 half marathons in April and May a 20 miler in July and…50K tentatively in October.

Thank you so much for hanging in with this regular guy’s journey. I am enjoying sharing it and getting feedback from you. A special thanks to Carl for getting me excited about this and offering to pace me and Brittany for being there for me to be honest about my fears and Kristen for not telling me I was nuts when I shared my thoughts.

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