“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
~ Mary Anne Radmacher ~
~ Mary Anne Radmacher ~
Sometimes the victory is simply getting up
For those who saw my face book post after my run Tuesday saw that I was really struggling (and whining a bit) about how physically and mentally hard every step was. It may have been whining but it was extremely hard and frustrating. My frustration was I kept telling myself that ‘this should be easier by now’ and ‘I should be better at this by now’ and of course comparing myself to what other people are doing and not measuring up. There I go “shoulding” all over myself again and not dealing with the fact that I have been tired, stressed and it is the second half of winter. I pushed through a very difficult five mile run and that in itself says something; either I am stronger than before or I am a glutton for punishment. I really wanted to quit so many times and I would have felt even worse about the whole thing. I told myself that I would wait until Thursday and see how I felt during that run before I beat myself up too badly.
Wednesday plans changed and storms were moving in so this was affecting my focus for that night and the next morning. The alarm went off at 4:30 Thursday and we were in between storms (no excuse there) but I grumbled about being tired and reset my alarm for 5:30 and climbed back into bed. This didn't last long because I knew I was not going to get to run again until Saturday and guilt was getting the best of me. I got up and started getting dressed and had a cup of coffee and headed out. I instantly felt lousy and frustrated and thought of turning around. I tried to let all the negativity of the past few weeks fall away and be present in the moment. It was a struggle for the first two miles and not that it got easier after that but it got a little quieter in my head.
I told myself that I have to stay positive. The next thing I realized was that my struggle and frustration was not about running; that was simply the vehicle that was getting me to this point in my life. Most days the real victory might be simply putting our feet on the floor and moving forward. Everyday that we decide not to close the blinds and pull the covers over our head, we win. It might be as simple as that. And that means today I win!