“An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,
regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.”
regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.”
~ An ancient Chinese belief ~
Renewed Hope through an Adoption Plan
With October approaching and it being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness
month I decided to provide an open and honest picture of the road that led to try
to adopt a child at this stage of my life.
For those who do not know; I was previously married and have
two beautiful, caring and intelligent grown daughters. I like to think that I
at least contributed to the caring part of that combination. In 2007 with my
youngest turning twenty-one, their mother and I separated and then divorced. Since
I got into this relationship very young, I was moving into my own apartment for
the very first time in my life. After some time I determined that I was
destined to be alone and convinced I would definitely never marry again…
In the fall of 2009 someone entered my life who would begin
to change my thoughts on the subject. I met a lady who was nice and found I had
quite a bit in common with her. We went on to become friends, then best friends
and finally realized we were soul mates. We both agreed that we were too old to
play games and both had our share of dealing with head games in the past, so
first order of business was that we would be open and honest with each other. One night we were talking and I could tell she
wanted to ask me something so I told her “you can ask me anything you want as
long as you promise to never hold it against me.” Nervously she asked me if I
was done having children; I told her that if I was with just the right person I
thought I still had something to offer a child. She explained how important it
was for her to have a child and be a mother, and she wanted me to know up
front.
We were married in September of 2010 and for the next ten
months, life finally felt like I had always heard it could be. During the
spring of 2011 Kristen came to me and told me that she was pregnant and I realized
just how much I really was ready to have another child. I was so excited and
told more people than I was supposed to before I was supposed to; while she was
remaining cautiously optimistic. On July 25th 2011 she called me at
work to say she was having some issues and was going to go to the doctor but
for me not to worry about getting out of work to go with her. There was
something in her voice and I felt like something was not right. I left work and
raced to try to get there before she left work for the doctor. I found her car
just as she was walking out and told her I just wanted to go with her. Little
did I know when I woke up that morning that this would end up as one of the
darkest days I had ever had to endure.
We had suffered a miscarriage and I was right next to my
wife as her world caved in and could do nothing to stop it. It was the most
helpless and useless I have ever felt in my life and I would not wish it on
anyone. I held it together while I drove her to pick up my car and told her I
would see her at home and then lost it once I was alone in my car. When I got
home we stood in the kitchen holding each other and cried for a while and then
sat on the couch together for hours in silence. There was nothing else that
could be said at that time so we simply held each other.
A loss of a child has been known to ruthlessly tear marriages
apart, but we were determined to be each other’s support system. It has not
been easy but I am happy to say that we have endured this challenge. Unfortunately,
we were not done being tested. One year and two days later we would relive this
nightmare again, and then two more times in 2014. There is nothing that can be
thrown at us now that we cannot handle together.
We decided that adoption would be a way that we could
fulfill our hopes of building a family while giving a child an opportunity to
be loved unconditionally. We had an Adoption Agent/Counselor named Nancy recommended
to us and went to meet with her and right away we were both comfortable with
her. She began to guide us through the process and our home study and was
straightforward and encouraging. We have completed our profile books and
created a Facebook page called Eric and Kristen Hope to Adopt which
can be found below. We are seeking to bring a newborn into our home in a
domestic open adoption. My wife and I are very aware of the difficult decisions
that have to be made in life and do not take the decision that a birth mother
makes in seeking an adoption plan for her baby lightly.
Please look at our page and like and share
it to help get the word out.
Eric and Kristen Hope to Adopt:
I started a Facebook page for Father’s who have lost babies. It is a closed group where you are free to discuss, ask questions and help support each other.
If you are the father of an Angel please visit:
If you are the father of an Angel please visit:
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